The internet is incomplete.

Despite its infinite coffers, we can’t find every answer using that tidy, rectangular search bar.

Some things just aren’t there.

They’re bound in books that have never been digitized. They’re captured in tightly wound VHS tapes. They’re in the garden or tucked in the corners of our memories.

They’re even yet to be discovered, let alone captured.

And that incompleteness is part of the reason we gather. Part of the reason we share stories. Part of the reason we walk, and ponder, and muse, and reminisce.

The internet contains worlds within worlds — but what matters most is often right in front of us … not through a search bar behind a screen.

Yesterday, I referenced a quote about building someone else’s dreams. One thoughtful reader prompted further reflection.

One thing I didn’t mention is this: there’s nothing wrong with making a decision to help build someone else’s dreams. In fact, that’s often what we do. And it can be a beautiful thing — particularly when we believe in what’s being built.

And in those cases, the dreams of others become entangled with our own. Their dreams become our dreams.

Here’s to dreaming more — together.

H/T Callan

Entrepreneur Farrah Gray says, “Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.”

This is true.

And the idea can be extended to how we live our days. To what we give our time and attention.

If we’re not guarding and guiding our minds — if we’re not leaning on choice, intention, and reason — the world will be happy to use us for its own purposes, like an unconscious zeitgeist collaborator.

* * *

Don’t let the winds of culture blow you around willy nilly. Don’t be passively sucked into click-bait, endless scrolls, and the 24/7 news cycle.

Set a sail of your own and chart the journey you want to live. Build your own dreams.

It might be too late to become a master in a certain practice … but it’s never too late to start learning new skills.

Don’t forgo a beautiful journey just because you’ve chosen an unconventional starting point. Remember: some of the day’s most beautiful moments happen after the sun begins to set.

From Jon Batiste’s acceptance speech for winning Album of the Year for “We Are” at the 2022 Grammys:

“I believe this to my core: there is no best musician, best artist, best dancer, best actor. The creative arts are subjective, and they reach people at a point in their lives when they need it most. It’s like a song or an album is made … and it almost has a radar to find the person when they need it the most.”

Jon is a beautiful soul who teaches us so much about creativity, joy, humility, and gratitude. He talks about thanking God and putting his head down to work on the craft every day.

Let’s do more of that.

Don’t actually aim to say it poorly. But risk it.

Too often, when we don’t know what to say, we choose to say nothing. And there are times when saying nothing is fine. That is, it hurts no one. It’s inconsequential.

But in difficult situations — when we think we should say something but we don’t quite know how to say it — it’s good to try. The words might not be perfect. They may need to be clarified. But that you’ve tried to put words to feelings … that matters. To the listener and to the speaker.

Last week, I shared some personal struggles with a trusted advisor.

Part of his helpful reply was this bit of gold: “Well, you’re passing the ‘human’ test.”

It can be deeply comforting to be reminded: “These things you’re feeling? These challenges you’re facing? It’s all totally normal. This is part of life.”

That we face difficulties means we’re living. It’s part of the deal. Lean into it. Solve problems, seek beauty, and don’t lose heart.

You’re passing the human test.

I love that my seven-year-old son asks me to draw things. Sometimes he will ask me to draw something from his imagination. Sometimes he will ask me to copy a comic from the newspaper. It’s fun to take on these challenges.

But sometimes, I say, “No.” On occasion, I’ll say, “No, buddy. You can draw that. I know you can do it.”

And after some consideration (and gentle fatherly urging) he ends up giving it a try.

More often than not, he’s really proud of what he comes up with.

I still like to draw for him, but it’s even better when he draws for himself. And better still when we make time to draw together.

* * *

There are times when the generous thing to do is to help not by doing, but by encouraging.

* * *

Unfair situations are a lot more bearable when we’re on the upside.

Inequality is a polite, academic discussion when we benefit from the imbalance.

Injustice is a distressing but tolerable feeling when we read about it instead of experiencing it directly.

* * *

Recognizing our own comfortable seat on a broken ride — whether personal, familial, local or global — is the first step in standing up to help fix it.

The introductory phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way …” is almost always followed by words that are taken the wrong way.

A different approach might be this: “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I want to share my perspective, and it might be hard to hear.”

It’s a different preamble. It’s awkward to deliver, but it might yield a more helpful conversation.

I heard an “examination of conscience” being read while I was scanning through the radio. One of its questions has stayed with me.

“What is the fundamental orientation of my life?”

The question lives in the world of “personal mission” and “North Star” but it’s more specific and it goes much deeper.

I wonder if you’ve sat with such a question.

It seems like it would be time well spent.

Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) are an important part of a business model.

What are your goals? What are you measuring? What do the numbers say?

But it might be useful to see KPIs on a personal level, too. Not formally, but just as an idea.

You might even discover that, if you were tracking what you believe to be important — at least in some areas — you’re doing pretty well. No shame in giving yourself a pat on the back for that.

I visited a college campus a few years ago, just as the skies opened. I had forgotten that it was supposed to rain all day, and I was unprepared. Finding a visitor’s center, I bought the last umbrella they had in stock — larger than I needed, but perfect for keeping me dry.

When I got to the event I had planned to attend, I propped the umbrella in a corner near the entrance.

And you guessed it: when the event was over, my new umbrella was nowhere to be found.

But I wasn’t bothered. Aside from the rainy walk to the parking garage, I didn’t need another umbrella (I had one at home).

I’d like to think that someone in desperate need of a dry walk spied the umbrella and delighted in their good fortune. I’d like to think that the umbrella continues to be passed (or taken) as needed. A pay-it-forward gamp of sorts.

On another occasion, my wife and I had finished having dinner on a trip to Baltimore. Walking back to the hotel, we saw a man sitting in the rain with a sign telling of his struggle with homelessness. My wife and I looked at each other and silently agreed: this man should have our umbrella.

One umbrella stolen. One umbrella given. Both for the better.

Getting wet isn’t the biggest deal in the world, but staying dry can be of some comfort. My new approach to travel is this: whatever umbrella you carry, let it be one that you’re willing to give away freely.

Permanence … at least, the kind that we often try to create … is an illusion.

Whether it’s a feeling or a circumstance or an ability, everything is fleeting. What we build up — physically, spiritually, intellectually — it’s all slightly leaky. Some of it has more staying power, but none of it is fixed.

So instead of seeking permanence, we focus on maintaining a practice. On finding a posture. On living a philosophy.

And perhaps those things become lasting, along with our reluctant acceptance of the idea, “This too shall pass.”

It’s always been that way.

And even with built-in uncertainty, we can live full, beautiful lives.

Sometimes it’s not vigilance, but us dozing off — and waking with a start — that prompts us to recognize the work that still needs to be done.

These accidental naps (whether literal or figurative) can be a natural kind of preparation.

* * *

Now that you’re refreshed, what needs doing?

(And just as a word of direct encouragement: you’ve got this.)

So much of our suffering comes from the gap between expectations and reality.

We expect something (or someone) to be one way, and what we experience turns out to be quite different.

How tightly do we grip that disappointment? How long do we remind ourselves about what we thought would happen and the way things were “supposed” to be?

We can do three things. We can continue to be discontent. Or we can work to change our circumstances. Or we can work to change ourselves.

That last option — changing what happens inside our head — is the option that’s most readily available, the easiest, and yet the hardest too.

Dead ends can be frustrating.

But unobstructed paths are not free of challenges. Sometimes clear paths can prompt anxious doubts.

While not ideal, the certainty that a dead end provides can be a gift: one more way that we know doesn’t work.

Onward.

You can deliver the words, “Thank you,” in many ways.

With joy.
With relief.
With sincerity.
With surprise.
With impatience.
With entitlement.
With sarcasm.
With flatness.

Not all of these ways are equal.

When you’re grateful, communicate the words with intention.

Nothing has the potential to change perspective as much as personal experience.

Legislation, policy, rules and exceptions … it’s all seen in a different light when it affects you and your loved ones.

Trying to understand and empathize — even when it’s not personal — is the difficult but necessary work of building a just world.

The way something plays out isn’t always personal for us, but it’s always personal for someone.

“You can’t go wrong.”

In some settings, all the choices are good choices. No matter what you pick, it’s a viable option. Maybe even great option.

Some restaurants are like this. Some higher-end clothing and retail stores, too. Even some design platforms.

In these tidy worlds, someone has thoughtfully curated the options. They’ve done the hard work of editing and selecting so that you get to choose from among what works.

But it’s not always like this. Some settings are wild and untamed. They’re filled with options, and not all of them are good options.

Appreciate when someone has done the design legwork for you. Appreciate that the curation has occurred.

And beware when you’re in the consumer wilderness. Not everything you see is good stuff.