Permission granted

You’re allowed to sit still.

You’re allowed to be bored.

You’re allowed to do nothing.

But you’re also allowed to start something.

And you’re allowed to do a new thing you’ve never tried.

You’re allowed to do something that might be uncomfortable. Something that might not work. Something bold that you’ve been afraid to do up until this point.

No one is stopping you.

And ... no one is starting you.

But someone is encouraging you.

The time to begin is now.

stephen
What we can’t measure

Just because we can’t measure it, graph it, or put it in a table ... doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it.

Some things are the right thing to do, regardless of whether they fit into a tidy report.

It might even be that the most important things that we do are the hardest to quantify.

stephen
Helping

When we hear of a wealthy person making a large donation, we might think, “Well sure. She has a lot of money. That’s easy for her to do.”

Or when someone who’s retired volunteers time to help a non-profit: “Of course. He has plenty of time on his hands.”

But regardless of how easy we think it is for others to help (which may or may not be true) it’s important to recognize: helping is a choice.

Whether it’s easy to help or not, helpers have made a choice to give of themselves.

No matter the balance of our blessings and burdens, may we all choose to help in the ways we are able.

stephen
Choose what to say

In any given conversation, there are a thousand things we could say. The more interesting the discussion, the more our neurons are firing.

But we can’t say it all. We can’t give voice to every thought. We can’t even give voice to every good thought.

We have to choose what to share.

Particularly in group settings, it’s useful to consider: is what I’m about to say a generous contribution? Can I re-frame my personal insights so that they serve the needs of others?

stephen
Where it hurts

There’s an old joke about a patient who says, “Doctor! It hurts everywhere I touch. Here. And here. And here.” To which the doctor replies, “Hmm. I see. It seems that you have a broken finger.”

I recalled this joke as my five-year-old son complained — bending his arm in a peculiar way — “It hurts when I do this.”

To which I replied, “Then stop doing that.”

* * *

It prompts some deeper thinking. How often do we visit the places where we’ve been hurt? Not to heal, but to revisit the pain?

It can be tempting to press on old wounds ... or to prod scars from injuries long since healed.

But does that serve us?

If feeling the pain is not helping us — if it’s instead tethering us to the past — perhaps it’s best to “stop doing that.”

stephen
A big leap

Leap. Jump. Go all in.

And remember that sometimes when you jump in, you’re going to go underwater right away.

That’s normal. Don’t worry: it’s temporary.

It takes a moment to get back to the surface where you can breathe.

The bigger the leap, the longer it takes.

* * *

When we dream big dreams and take on big projects ... we take big leaps.

Don’t fear that initial moment of submersion. It’s part of the process.

stephen
Speaking vs. Silence

It takes courage to speak out.

It takes restraint to say nothing.

It takes wisdom to know which one to choose.

stephen
Room for others

You are already playing the game. You’re at the dance. You have a seat at the table. You’ve been invited, or you got there on your own. You’re doing it.

So now that you’ve made it to where you are, how are you making room for others?

stephen
Stop comparing

If we don’t play because we’re not a prodigy, we’ll never play.

If we don’t perform because we’re not a virtuoso, we’ll never perform.

If we don’t speak because we’re not the preeminent expert, we’ll never speak.

You see where this is going.

Stop comparing. Stop with the self-criticism.

Play. Work. Speak. Create. Produce. Publish. Do.

Forget the spectrum of who’s more accomplished and who’s more novice (and where you fit into it all).

Just do the thing. Do it as best you can. Do it with heart.

Your fingerprints. Your voice. Your way.

Then do it again.

stephen
Creativity’s place

Creativity always lives alongside things that are more pressing. More consequential. More in need of our attention.

Art does not displace issues of life and death.

And yet.

And yet we continue to make room for creativity. To make sacrifices to pursue it. To make art, to embrace art, and to share art.

Creativity becomes a life sustaining thing of its own. It enriches us, it challenges us, and it grows us.

So we suspend other things — or we integrate them — and we pursue that noble thing that is creativity, and the world is better for it.

stephen
Scheduled maintenance

There’s a schedule for most check-ups. The annual physical. The mileage-based oil change. The quarterly audit. Site visits, cleanings, and routine maintenance. All on the calendar.

But what about ourselves?

No one calls us to say, “You’re due for a check-in with yourself.” We don’t get a letter in the mail: “You’re overdue for some serious introspection and self-assessment.”

Perhaps we’re fortunate enough to have a friend, a coach, or a therapist who prompts us.

More often, we’re left to ourselves to look inward. And that can cause anxiety — like an overdue visit to the dentist.

But if we’re intentional ... if we keep a schedule and check in with ourselves regularly ... it doesn’t have to be so ominous. It might just be a friendly conversation we have with ourselves a few times a year.

“How am I? How do I want to be? What are my beliefs? My goals? My vision? How am I doing with all of it?”

If it helps, put it on the calendar right now. All those other things have a place on the schedule; you deserve a check-in too.

stephen
Seeking familiar

As we travel the road of life, we’ve reached a part of the journey that doesn’t look like anything we’ve seen before.

It’s uncomfortable. It’s unnerving. And while we seek comfort — holding on to what we know — waiting for “back to normal” is a mistake.

There is no “back” really. Only forward.

Up ahead, the road may begin to look familiar, but it’s still a road we’ve never traveled. That’s always the case.

If we wait for tomorrow to be yesterday, we’ll wait forever. Said another way, time spent trying to turn back the clock is time wasted.

Don’t wait for yesterday to come back. In fact, don’t wait at all. We have the present moment and we have what’s next.

Embrace that. Live that.

stephen
The promise of the screen

Satisfaction is not found at the bottom of the feed.

Wisdom isn’t acquired by scrolling further down.

Peace is not discovered by tapping and clicking.

And yet, by the intensity with which we stare at screens, one might think otherwise.

stephen
Listening to ourselves

We can be wise, but we can also be forgetful.

More often than we’d like to admit, we’ve failed to take our own good advice.

More often than we’d like to admit, we’ve stumbled over the same minor obstacles.

With a humble heart, however, we can look back to lessons we’ve learned and times that we’ve offered sound counsel.

And we can learn once again, and we can listen to ourselves.

stephen
Crisis

A crisis affects many things, but it doesn’t necessarily affect every-thing.

How does one read a book during a crisis? Or eat? Or tend to a chore? Or breathe deeply?

The answer might be: in the same way as usual.

Despite a shaken world or a shaken mindset ... some things of life can be insulated. Some things can remain remarkably (even eerily) unchanged.

Just because there’s a crisis ... doesn’t mean that “crisis mode” applies to every activity or every situation. It can’t.

And maybe — just maybe — that’s a good thing.

stephen
Reviews

We live in a world of ratings and reviews. One star. Five star. A-plus. Triple-C. Don’t-waste-your-time. Delicious.

Some ratings can — and should — hold weight. Crash tests and medical trial results come to mind.

But lots of ratings are based on taste and opinion.

It’s why any given book, movie, or series ... has its super-fans as well as its haters. What one person loves, another can’t stand.

So what does this mean?

It means that it’s OK to put faith in our own taste. To love what we love, to not treat every 5/5 rating as gospel, and to remember every review is written from a particular author’s perspective.

And that reviewer might not want what you want or appreciate what you appreciate.

Love what you love.

stephen
Without words

As humans, we do all sorts of things — both grand and subtle — to seek the answer, without asking the question:

“Do you love me?”

The beautiful thing is, we do all sorts of things — both grand and subtle — to express to others, without using words:

“Yes, I love you.”

stephen
A different measure

Monday. Start of a new week. Time for setting goals and making plans.

But what if this week isn’t about how much we can accomplish?

What if it’s about how much passion we can bring to the things that we do?

Said another way: not how much ... but how much care.

stephen
Newness and rebirth

Spring is a time of rebirth. What’s dead begins to come alive. What’s gray soon bursts with color.

Perhaps it’s a good opportunity for us to look inward. Have we let any intentions become dormant? Have we allowed worthy dreams to wither?

As nature rebounds, it may be time for us to rebound as well. To bring new life to flames that have gone dim.

True, some dreams are meant to die. But others ... others are waiting to blossom — waiting for us to clear aside fear, doubt, resistance, or laziness.

As the earth comes alive once more, may the best of our hopes and dreams do the same.

 
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stephen
Differing responses

Since the outbreak began, I’ve read a lot of emails related to pandemic response and contingency plans. Some organizations are demonstrating inspiring resilience and remarkable inventiveness.

Others are understandably struggling. Some people are feeling under attack and underappreciated; I can tell by the way their emails are written. Here are some lines that I imagine they’d like to have included — statements that didn’t make the final cut before pressing send:

  • Your expectations of us are unreasonable.

  • You don’t know how hard this is.

  • I don’t want to deal with this problem.

  • I liked the system we had before.

  • I don’t want to learn new ways of doing things.

  • I’m dealing with my own problems too.

  • Stop comparing us to others.

  • We’re doing what we think is best.

  • Stop judging us so critically.

Two emails go out. One demonstrates leadership amidst challenge. The other is defensive. Maybe a little passive-aggressive. The thing is, it’s quite possible that both authors received the same number of complaints. They both have an inbox mixed with generous praise and harsh criticism. Their internal monologues may even be similar.

They’ve just chosen to respond in different ways.

stephen