With enough practice, you can do things like a pro.
And with enough commitment, you’ll do them as a pro.
On a particularly blustery day, the raptor flapped, soared, and teetered in the wind. It looked like hard work.
But when you’re hungry, you don’t wait for ideal conditions, you create them.
In this case, “ideal” wasn’t smooth air currents — it was having lunch.
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In our own practices, we can’t always wait for NASA-approved weather clarity. Often, we’re called to fly in unpredictable winds.
To wait is to not eat.
And our creative spirit is hungry.
Victory is most meaningful for those who have known defeat. For those who have struggled. For those who have contended with skilled adversaries. For those who have worked hard in public and even harder in private.
They say “a win is a win.” But victory that comes from grit, determination, and relentless effort … that always feels like more than just a win. Because it is.
We sprint to catch up. Or we sprint to get ahead.
But sometimes, we sprint because we crave the feeling of sprinting.
The goal of maintaining balance is not the same as the goal to be static.
A statue may stand in perfect balance. And yet, push it hard enough, and it will topple.
Developing a skilled balance isn’t about staying on the center-line. It’s about learning to adjust when we’re pushed one way or another. It’s about knowing where center is, and having the ability to stray and return. It’s more fluidity than stasis.
After all, we’re not statues; we’re tightrope walkers and acrobats.
“What?”
“What do you need?”
“What do you want?”
“What would you like?”
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“How can I help?”
“How may I assist?”
“Tell me what would help.”
“How can I serve you?”
They’re all the same question.
But they’re not.
When I was an art student, I used to go to the campus bookstore and scan the shelves. There — among the heart-quickening stock of art supplies — was a selection of required reading for various courses taught at the college. Those selections became an easy way to discover new concepts and ideas, incidentally curated by respected faculty.
Whose lists do you read? Whose endorsements do you trust? To whose recommendations are you listening?
It matters which curators you choose.
Over time, your choices will paint the landscape of your reality.
An excerpt from Art and Fear, by David Bayles and Ted Orland. A young David Bayles began taking piano lessons from a Master. Here’s how it’s told in the book:
“After a few months’ practice, David lamented to his teacher, ‘But I can hear the music so much better in my head than I can get out of my fingers.’
“To which the Master replied, ‘What makes you thing that ever changes?’
“… Lesson for the day: vision is always ahead of execution — and it should be.”
* * *
The story resonates.
Our infinite creativity lives in a finite world. Our imagination is always one step better than what can be crafted and produced.
There’s no sense in lamenting this gap: it’s the natural way of things.
On the east side of the road was a cornfield that stretched to the horizon. On the west side, there was an open, grassy field. And on that grassy side there was one, solitary cornstalk growing by the roadway.
Years later, I still remember that one, peculiar cornstalk.
* * *
Sometimes, when we stand out — even just a little — it’s to great effect. Yes, it can be risky. But some risks are worth taking.
Making our mark in the world occasionally calls for us to step outside the cornfield … to plant ourselves where we can be seen.
Connection isn’t the problem; we have more ways to connect than at any point in history.
The problem is not connection. It’s time. We don’t allow it to unfold nearly enough.
Deep, meaningful conversations remain buried beneath the constant traffic of brief, convenient interactions.
A post, a reaction, a share, a reply … these don’t quite compare to what happens during a two-hour walk with friends, or an open-ended afternoon, or an evening on the back porch sharing stories.
* * *
Often, we’re so quick to connect that we forget: connection doesn’t like to be rushed.
It’s not always the case, but many times, when someone says, “I can’t afford that,” what they really mean is, “I choose to spend my money in other ways.”
The same goes for how we spend time.
Like with many things, “affordable” is a story we tell ourselves.
Ancient wisdom tells us: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
From time to time, it’s worth reevaluating our perspective. It’s helpful to consider what’s taking up our headspace. To accept the wide range of human experience, but to recognize when we’ve prolonged an unpleasant feeling by continuing to dwell with it.
Feel all the feels — the full spectrum — but with open hands, not clenched fists.
If you have people who follow your work — your teaching, your writing, your speaking — then you’re the bus driver. That role comes with passengers and it comes with responsibility.
There’s trust involved. Trust that you’re going where you promised and in the manner you promised.
A certain level of surprise is allowed — even appreciated. But that’s not the same as changing drivers, or radically changing the destination.
Break your promise too many times, and you might find yourself driving an empty bus.
Cultivate something that takes time. Something you can’t produce quickly. Something that money can’t buy. Something that takes ongoing effort.
Because our sweat — and sometimes our tears — produces a deep, abiding satisfaction.
What you accomplish may be impressive to others. At the same time, however — because of your personal investment — impressing others won’t be of concern to you.
Your long journey might not seem meaningful from the start, but it’s sure to become meaningful along the way.
In some cases, if you play a role you’re not certified to play, you’ll be arrested. It’s malpractice. It’s fraud. It’s illegal impersonation. It’s dangerous.
But many times, no certification is necessary. We can simply slide into the role. We can be the leader. We can be the voice of wisdom. We can be the creator, visionary, friend, organizer, mentor, guide, entertainer, adviser …
So often, it’s not about permission we’re given, but a choice we make.
Ask an expert, “How fast can you do it?” and you might get the response, “It depends on the conditions.”
Because the conditions matter.
When I’m well-rested.
When the water is between 25° to 28° Celsius.
When it’s quiet.
When there’s no traffic.
When I have a team of at least six.
When I’m feeling loose.
Our performance in any situation depends on many factors. Mostly, “our best” means “the best we could do given the circumstances.”
And sometimes, those conditions — paired with our skill and preparation — are a recipe for pure magic.
You’ve prepared. You’re ready.
As soon as the starter signals, you’re off and running.
But with the first step, you stumble. A win is now impossible.
The question at present is, “What do you do, knowing you can’t win?”
The answer is not, “Lay down and quit.”
The goal has shifted. Where the initial goal was winning, the new goal is getting back up. Or running a good rest-of-the-race. Or just finishing. Or preparing for a different race.
Life happens and our goals necessarily change.
The only thing to do is to decide what to do next.
And then to do it.
Here’s a useful way to consider various habits, activities, and protocols that you might be considering, but hesitant to adopt:
“As long as it doesn’t …”
When you understand your values and goals, you’re able to assess what can help and what might hinder.
Some examples:
As long as it doesn’t interfere with my ability to …
As long as it doesn’t take away from my effort to …
As long as it doesn’t conflict with …
As long as it doesn’t distract from …
When new things fit without sacrificing what you’ve already established as a priority, you can engage without hesitation. And where there’s a disagreement, you can feel confident in walking away.
Some atypical course titles:
Solving Interesting Problems
Contending with Fear and Uncertainty
Finding Purpose and Meaning
Budgeting Time, Money, and Attention
Navigating Conflict and Disagreement
Advanced Empathy
Leading and Coordinating Humans
How to Trust Yourself
Managing Distractions
Young people are indoctrinated with reading, writing, and arithmetic. Those skills are vital. But there’s a host of other skills — skills that are harder to measure, formalize, and standardize — that are too important to overlook.
We often leave these lessons on the sidelines, relegated to occasional conversations or one-off workshops.
What might happen if teaching human skills were brought front-and-center? Can we be bold enough to make such a shift?
Part of learning to master our mind is recognizing and accepting what’s outside our influence.
Remember that the helm controls the vessel, not the sea.
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To new readers who have found my work through The Quotable Coach, I’m so glad you’re here. Welcome! Thank you, Barry, for your generous work, and for shining such a warm spotlight on this blog.