As an artist and woodworker, I have a fondness for tools.

Depending on who you ask, I have a lot of them.

And I have favorites, too.

Over time, we learn to trust tools that work well. Taking them for granted, even.

This happens in situations and relationships too. Over time, we become familiar with tools that work well, and we reach for them every time.

Some of these “tools” happen to be timeless. Listening is good example.

But other tools (or perhaps strategies) can wear out. Like saying, “I’m sorry.” That’s a tool that won’t work forever.

When I need to pound a nail, my hammer will work every time. I don’t have to think about it.

Interpersonal conflicts, however, are not nails. We don’t have a hammer that will work as a perpetual solution. What worked before — like cracking a joke, or giving a hug, or waiting, or a handy rhetorical question — might not work this time or next.

Problems change and so must solutions. Sometimes we have to go back to the toolbox to try something new.