There’s a balance between being direct and communicating friendliness. Between barking orders and asking apologetically. Between making an assertion and couching statements with disclaimers.

“Watch out!” can be shouted without prelude. No throat-clearing is necessary.

“Your solution failed,” could be a statement in truth, but there are times when its edges merit softening.

Are you speaking to a colleague? A child? A student? A professional? A volunteer? A hobbyist?

What’s the context? What’s the situation? What’s your intention?

There’s a time for being direct, and there’s a time to ease into the crux.

I read a group email today that began, “It appears as though I wasn’t clear.” Either the writer wasn’t clear, or people didn’t follow directions. Here, I could have done without the passiveness.

The advice is two-fold. One, at the appropriate times, be direct. Don’t hem and haw about what should be said plainly. And two, soften edges where it helps, but do it judiciously. Particularly in writing, look back a the text and ask, “Am I being gentle in using these extra words, or am I bubble-wrapping a phrase that should be served on a platter?”